just got my esp32 CanDue V2 but it is not showing up in savvycan in windows?

The first step is definitely to try to flash ESP32RET to make sure it does have the proper firmware. I've never seen ESP32RET fail the way you're describing so I think it must not be flashed at all / properly.

www.savvycan.com/ESP32RET_Updater.zip

Which operating system are you using and how did you get SavvyCAN (for instance, what version does it report in the title bar?) You do need a pretty new version for it to support the ESP32 but certainly the current release on the main page of SavvyCAN and the continuous builds should all work fine. I use ESP32 boards quite often with SavvyCAN. But, I do so in LINUX so there is a chance that either Windows or MacOS might not work as well. Though, I've also used it under Windows and there are others doing so and so I believe it works well there too. That, and the fact that you have mac in your username makes me think that maybe you're using MacOS. Unfortunately, spooky things seem to happen on MacOS compared to the other two. It could be the fact that I don't have a Mac and it could be the fact that Apple can be hard to work with and so maybe QT isn't quite as well supported or tested. But, it would be good to get to the bottom of this. Another thing you can try is to connect the ESP32 board to wifi by using the serial console. From there you can then connect to it over TCP/IP and that tends to work pretty well.